Before I start writing more narrowly focused entries, I want to define “girl bullying” for those who might not be familiar with the topic. Girl bullying, also known as “relational Aggression” (RA), is a form of indirect, psychological and emotional bullying. It occurs when a group of girls use social relationships to target another girl with hurtful actions such as the following:
Gossip
Rumor-spreading
Backstabbing
Betrayal
Exclusion / Isolation
Silent treatments
Name-calling
Dirty looks (ex. glares and eye-rolls)
Destructive competitiveness (ex. one-uping)
Taunts
Mean laughs
Inside jokes
Manipulation
Lies / Half-truths
Sending hurtful or embarrassing text, picture or video messages (ex. sexting)
3-way calling
Hurtful status, blog or message postings (ex. on MySpace, Facebook, or Twitter)
Blackmail
Sabotage
These kinds of actions are intended to eliminate the target as some type of problem, threat, competition, frustration, annoyance, etc. and, in the process, damage the target’s social relationships and reputation.
These crafty behaviors can easily go undetected by those who are not hip to social structures. And the validity of RA can easily be ignored by those who are in complete denial or who are unwilling to educate themselves about RA or check their own baggage.
Some people think RA is specific only to middle and junior high school aged girls. Yet, this behavior can begin as soon as girls start forming relationships, and it can continue well into adulthood. It not only takes place at school but anywhere relationships occur—sports teams, sporting events, churches, youth groups, work, among family members, in dating relationships, clubs, Girl Scouts, the mall, parties, on the Internet, etc. From girls to women and boys to men, we can all encounter RA at many different places and on many different levels—as victims, aggressors, reactive aggressors, and/or bystanders.
However, RA is most often associated with females because our society teaches girls to perpetually fulfill the ideas of feminity. Rather than instructing girls on how to be respectfully direct with each other when relational complications arise, our society urges girls to be nice, proper and compassionate, all-the-while hiding and burying their anger, competitiveness, frustration, annoyance, envy, etc. As a result, girls use their friendships and relationships to vent their emotion, which can easily start a relationally aggressive chain reaction.
Studies show that RA can lead to depression, anxiety, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, suicide, school dropouts, unplanned pregnancies, cutting, eating disorders, substance abuse, and delinquent or criminal behavior.
For more information on the complexity of this issue, please refer to the source notes in the back of my book, Flying Grounded.
